My Other Self

Lost In Translation III: The Perceptive Eye

If and how are two words that can create a lot of problems. Yes just simple words like that can make my mind so messed up.

I just think maybe it’s time to stop asking “what if” and “how” for a change. But I just can’t help it.

Can’t seem to figure out why, but I always ask these kinds of things just to make sure of something.

Stay for a while and figure this out with me won’t you? Even if it’s the last thing you do. I know it would.

Then at last I’ll be at peace. At last my thirst will be quenched; my thirst of the truth.

I’ll know that it will bring me great satisfaction because the truth is my ultimate goal.

Just know that these things are not just merely some random stuff. They are the fruit of my thoughts.

Slowly I will fade; slowly I will be one with the ultimate truth. And when that happens, I hope He welcomes me with open arms.

Dissipate me with the truth and I will be gone in an instant. I will be off to find another one.

——————————————————————————————————

I am but flesh and blood. And my hunger for the truth is just human nature which I don’t have the power to control.

Will is another thing that always bothers me. Sometimes I just can’t throw in the towel. I am stubborn and unyielding.

Be the person like I am and you’ll understand it can bring great satisfaction and great ordeal. Nonetheless, it is sometimes necessary to be stubborn.

Gone with the wind again to sail out for the truth. That was the last thing I remembered from this journey.

Before long I find myself caught in a storm of qualms. I conquered it but another storm is coming; a storm of lies.

You may not realize it but sometimes it’s necessary for us to drown. Failure and defeat are necessities.

Even when I die, I am happy to know that I have fight with every ounce of my strength and loved with every inch of my body.

Realize this when I’m gone: I will never return for I shall be on my way to find another world.

It will be like travelling to other parts of the reality. It will be discombobulating for sure, but it will be for the best.

——————————————————————————————————

I will say one last good bye though. I will smile and wave my arms to bid my farewell.

Just know that these things are meant to be because my place is not here. My place is not where I am needed.

Hope cannot walk the same path as me so understand that I must go away to make room for one.

One day I will look back at these things and I’ll know that I made the right decision.

Day and night I will travel to find a universe in which I can coexist with hope because I’m tired of giving them. I want to have some too.

You’ll give me some but I guess they’ll fade as easy as they came. You know what they say: “easy come, easy go.”

Realize that I am not asking you to be my ray of light. I am asking you to be yourself when I call for someone I need.

What a thing to have done it would be if I could find someone I could trust my life to. Oh how I wish…

I wish it was that simple. I wish I was that naïve. I wish they really were.

Was I trying to undo what I’ve done? No, sadly no. I was just trying to make things right, but it seemed that my definitions of “right” are not quite… well, right.

Trying to fix things is harder than trying to make new ones. In the end the easiest things to do is destroying things and just make a fresh start.

To me, my hands are meant to create and destroy but sometimes I lost the perception of creating and destroying. Sometimes it gets tangled up.

Give me a reason to create now and I will create wonderful things just so things can stay the same.

You are after all one thing that I can’t destroy. You and everything about you.

——————————————————————————————————

Now I think my perception of destruction is once again…

Lost in translation.

Lost In Translation II: A Book

I put my soul into a book. A book about a boy who’s trapped between running away and living his life. A book about growing up.

Care and warmth is what that book is all about. The book is after all a long lost part of me.

Too much effort maybe, but I guess it’s my obligation to do it. I just don’t know why.

Much have happened since then. A part of me has settled into the book, seeping through its pages.

For every letters, every words, and every sentences in that book are merging with me. I’m caught inside the story.

You can say that this book… Have spoken out loud to me.

And now I send this book out to search for something, to look for something important.

I’m getting worried because it hasn’t returned yet. Now all that I feel is hollowed.

Sorry for asking but if you ever see that book please do tell me. I miss it.

——————————————————————————————————

I just wish that it’s in a good place. Somewhere that is better than inside of me.

Just once in my life I am putting my patience to the test because I still am naively waiting for it to come back.

Hope it will be soon because it’s never easy ripping a part of you.

You won’t understand about it, but if you understand… I’m sorry you ever felt this way.

Understand that this is something inevitable. It’s my entire fault after all for hoping too much from something too vague.

That was a thing I’m sad about, but I don’t regret it. Remorse is something very morbid to me.

I know it’s not my place to be like this, but I’m getting tired of begging. Begging for something good to happen.

Don’t even hope for something that doesn’t exist. I learned it the hard way.

Ask yourself every time you’re starting something; “Am I being realistic? Or am I just dreaming too much?”

For realists lead a much more satisfying life than dreamers; moreover a realistic dreamer. Sometimes dreams have to be logical.

Your conscience will beg for you to do the easiest thing, your brain: the logical thing, and your heart: the right thing.

Love is not always the right thing, but love can make things right.

——————————————————————————————————

But I still wonder, what happened to a piece of me that has gone now?

Rather; just what happened?

Your mind is trying to comprehend but your heart refuses to feel. In the end there’s just confusion.

Appreciation just sounds heavenly right now because appreciation is a much more important necessity than love.

——————————————————————————————————

I am getting tired of being ignored but I don’t want to beg for appreciation like I begged for love.

Have I done something wrong? Well, maybe more than ten things. Maybe even more than I could count. But mistakes are just tools to help ourselves to be better.

Waited again and again, I just can’t do it anymore. I’m just tired of waiting on nothing.

Quite a struggle I had back then but it was a hell of a fight. A fight that has brought great satisfactions.

A spectacular show of force and efforts, this fight is not something to be taken lightly.

While I still can breathe I will fight again, but alas… I’m having a hard time catching my breath now.

And in the end I just want to give up. Not in a bad way, but rather in a good way. I gave up because I don’t want to see anymore fighting. I want peace.

I don’t just want peace; I need peace because I’ve been at war for too long. Not with someone else, but with myself; with someone inside my head.

Got a hundred reasons to fight but only one to give up. I’ve got only one reason for peace, and that reason is the same reason I set my soul out in the first place.

Nothing is going to change that. Not even God Himself.

——————————————————————————————————

So now I guess a part of me is…

Lost in translation.